Who Am I, Really?

Here follows a few random but heartfelt thoughts I gave this morning in our weekly prayer meeting at the MTC, Wednesday, June 27, 2008.

As a small child, I used to sit on a swing and swing for hours, count the stars and contemplate…”Who is God’s father? How did He come into being?” I thought about the following: There are billions of worlds/spirits; how could Heavenly Father know me? Often, I felt insignificant. As I later taught senior English and William Wordsworth’s famous and immortal poem, “Ode to Immortality,” these words resonated powerfully:
§ Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
§ The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
§ Hath had elsewhere its setting,
§ And cometh from afar:
§ Not in entire forgetfulness,
§ And not in utter nakedness,
§ But trailing clouds of glory do we come
§ From God, who is our home
I have always desired to understand our premortal state, asking the following questions: Why are all the billions of earth’s inhabitants both in such varied and unusual circumstances? Why was I born out of the church to non-member parents? Why was my mother left a very young divorcee’ to raise three tiny children? Why was I so fortunate for her to have found the gospel, subsequently a wonderful, honorable man, be married and have us sealed in the temple. Why was I born outside the covenant (story of friend at BYU who exclaimed “only the most valiant are born in the covenant”) I prayed and Spirit spoke to as clearly as I am speaking today in the form of an question: “Was Joseph Smith born in the covenant? Was Brigham Young born in the covenant?"

In the Sound of Music, Julie Andrews sang “I Must Have Done Something Good” with familiar words such as "Nothing comes from nothing; nothing ever could. So somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good."

I always wondered WHY certain spirits were born in certain countries, not enjoying many of the freedoms and even necessities of life that I enjoyed. As I progressed in life through my gospel study and knowledge, especially reading all the McConkie Messiah books and likewise Joseph Fielding Smith's Doctrines of Salvation, through the Spirit and fervent prayer, certain verities came to light which are:
- God the Father, Eloheim is an exalted, resurrected person who loves us and knows each of us by name and is intimately involved in the details of our lives.
- Christ and all spirit men are children of Him.
- In the Premortal state, we were subject to His Laws—there were only God’s laws there and those laws were only good; obedience and conformity to any of his laws moved the obedient person (Christ included) along the path to glory and exaltation. Similarly, failure to obey a given law denied the failing person the blessing and advancement that otherwise would have resulted, and disobedience imposed the penalties prescribed for such a rebellious course.”
- We were all endowed with agency in the Premortal state—without it there would have been no advancement and progression; opposites and agency were essential to existence and to progression. Without them there would have been nothing.
- Spirits developed an infinite variety and degree of talents while in the preexistence. (We lived/awaited 2 ½ billion years to come to this earth). We developed aptitudes, talents, capacities, ability of every sort, kind and degree. During this long expanse of time, an infinite variety of talents and abilities came into being.

McConkie reminded us that “as the ages rolled, no two spirits remained the alike. Mozart became a musician; Einstein centered his interest in mathematics; Michelangelo turned his attention to painting; Cain was a liar, a schemer, a rebel who maintained a close affinity to Lucifer; Abraham and Moses and all the prophets sought and obtained the talent for spirituality. “The whole House of Israel known and segregated out from their fellows, was inclined toward spiritual things. And so it went through all the hosts of heaven, each individual developing such talents and abilities as his soul desired.” Pg. 23

The Lord endowed us all with agency; he gave us laws that enable us to advance and progress and become like him, and he counseled and exhorted us to pursue the course leading to glory and exaltation. All of his obedient children started to become like him in one way or another
When we pass from preexistence to mortality, we bring with us the traits and talents there developed. Yes, we forget what went before because we are being tested, but the capacities and abilities that there were ours are yet resident within us.

Einstein is still a mathematician; Mozart a musician; Michelangelo his artistic talent; Moses, Abraham an the prophets their spiritual talents and abilities; Cain still lies and schemes. All men with our individual an varied talents and personalities pick up the course of progression where we left it off and we left our heavenly realms. We all build in mortality what we acquired in premorality.

At that point I knew and understood that many of us through obedience and faithfulness have obtained many of our blessings because our premortal state.

Finally, as I meet and look into the hearts and learn of the incredible lives of some of our precious international missionaries have lived, I am humbled. Like many, we stand in awe, wish for a moment, to know the complete story of their lives, e.g. pre-existence, especially as it applies to WHY each was selected (hand-picked by God) to find the church and to be a noble entity to bring forth its conclusion. Of course, each could be said of us. I am humbled and thrilled to be a minuscule and small part of this great kingdom and pray to continue building it until the last breath I draw. I say this humbly in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.